Chris's mumbai experiences

April 19
You know the activity you do with kids where you take a jar and put in some rocks and then you say is it full before proceeding to tip in some pebbles, then into the tiny spaces that are left you fill sand, and then when it really looks like you can’t possibly fit in anything else you tip in water to fill all remaining gaps? Well, on my trip from Mumbai Airport to Hill Spring School, I discovered the living equivalent – The Mumbai traffic.
The roads are filled with buses and then in between the buses are the slightly smaller delivery trucks, carrying anything from rocks to water to sewerage, then there are the small four wheel drives driven by private drivers, the smaller cars and ever present black and yellow taxis. As you sit there watching you driver fill gaps you didn’t know existed, you think that there couldn’t possibly be room for any more when weaving their way through (often coming in the opposite direction come bicycles and motor bikes and scooters – usually carrying a family of 5). Struggling to cope with what you are seeing, and questioning not only how this can be possible, but also how it can move, you see people crossing the road through all the mayhem. Surely they are the water, the last possible thing that can fit on this pot-hole riddle, half made, always under repair roadway, but no! There, right beside you, you notice tiny children appearing in the non-existent gaps between the vehicles, carrying tins of water, bricks and each other.
All of which may explain why it took almost 2 hours to cover the not quite 20 km from the airport to the school.

I think the theory is that if you see a space you are obliged to fill it. After all, this is a city of 15-20 million people; space is a luxury you can’t afford.

April 20
I picked up the Mumbai Mirror at breakfast this morning – the local newspaper, not me satisfying my narcissistic urgings – and noted with great interest the article on the front page.
It was about the reclamation of Cross Maiden. As the story goes, Cross Maiden was once a beautiful grounds and was part of the grand Esplanade grounds. Why it had to be reclaimed, was because it had become over run by ‘slums, garbage dumps, hawkers, unauthorized food stalls, an illegal temple and even a horse stable’. See, this is how things spiral out of control in a country that is not fortunate enough to have Neill Mitchell and 3AW to constantly bang on about things such as ceremonial fires in public parklands. Robert Doyle’s anger might be better placed in Mumbai, and for that matter so might Robert Doyle!

Mumbai’s best taxi driver
(Sorry, I have taken to the very wanky habit of titling my entries)
I went for a long walk today from Colaba up through Oval Maiden and Cross Maiden and then down to Victoria Terminus, which is a magnificent train station, that with my strong architectural background I would have to say is Neo Gothic, no doubt the guidebooks will differ.
From there I jumped in a cab to go to Crossroads, which is a major shopping complex. Of course jumping in a cab here you have less chance that the driver will know where to take you than you do even with the cab drivers in Melbourne.
My request to go to Crossroads was greeted with a blank face and the conversation proceeded thus:
Me: “Crossroads at Breach Candy, can you take me?”
Taxi driver: “Blank stare, quizzical look, wobble of the head?” (guessing that the ? is appropriate here, am still struggling to read the tone of each head wobble.)
Me: “Crossroads, big store, Breach Candy”
Taxi diver: “Yes, Breach Candy, near the mosque” A glimmer of hope.
Taxi driver: Yes, yes, Breach Candy Hospital you want.”
Me: “No, No”
At this point I resorted to my very handy Lonely Planet map, shoving it through the window and pointing to the Crossroads icon. I quickly realized by the look on his face that I may as well have stuck a map of Melbourne in front of him.
Me: “Crossroads, big shop, Breach candy”
Taxi driver: “Crossroads”
Me: “Yes, yes, Crossroads, big shop.”
Taxi driver: “Yes, crossroads, big shop, Breach Candy”
Excited by my breakthrough I quickly jumped in, having mistaken this final exchange for him suddenly working out where I wanted to go rather than the actual case of him finally working out how to copy exactly what I was saying in order to seduce me into the back of his cab, but still with no idea of what I where I actually wanted to go.
So buoyed with optimism that I was on the right track, I jumped in and headed for Crossroads in Breach Candy, me in the back trying to follow our journey on my trusted map. My naivity here is of course breathtaking, as we quickly headed in completely the opposite direction than I expected.
I consoled myself with the thought that he knew a shortcut and was simply trying to save me a few Rupees. Either that or we were in search of a relative who could either give directions or interpret.
Wrong on both counts.
As it turned out we were simply in search of a traffic jam to sit in for 25 mins – not a difficult thing to find in Mumbai. Once found, my driver proceeded to cut the engine and nap for a bit – the metre of course continues to run. After his requisite rest, he kicked the engine to life, tooted a couple of times, did a U-Turn and we headed straight back past where we had started from to our final destination of Crosswords (a big Indian bookstore) not Crosswords (big shop in Breach Candy). At this point he turned triumphantly and charged me 85 rupees (a bit under $3) for the pleasure of his canny knowledge of Mumbai and his decent approximation of my English.


Interesting Reading
Tonight I went to meet a local Indian family who wanted to take me for Chai at the Tea House. I decided to walk so that on the way I could buy a copy of ‘Mistress of Spices’ from one of the street seller. This was of course inspired by the fact that the film opens here next week with Ashwaryia Rai, or Ash as we call her over here.
Whilst I was disappointed that I couldn’t find what I was looking for I did see ‘Surgery Simplified’. Now isn’t that a title that inspires confidence. It’s nice to know such a publication exists, especially if I need to operate on myself. I can’t imagine why it isn’t top of the pile in every surgery waiting room around Australia
Apparently it comes highly recommended by Dr Patil from QLD.

Cricket for the masses
Yesterday I went for a walk to Oval Maiden. This placce is a hive of cricket activity, it stretches from about the Basil St Oval to the other side of the next oval. On it they have about 4-6 proper cricket grounds, yesterday there were 2 games going on - as in two sets of people playing on the proper pitches and teams in whites. Then there are about 2-3 thousand people spead all over the place playing their own games of cricket. Each game sets up about five metres from the next and the fielders from one game might be fielding in an area about 4 games away. The proper games are not protected from the swarms either, as the adhock games set-up as little as 15-20 metres away from the main pitch and often the teams in white spend most of their time fielding balls from the other games. I thought I might get a hit, but this is serious stuff and teams are well set. From what I saw there is not a lot of getting your eye in or scratching out a slow innings, the only way is to charge the bowler. Looking at the bowlers, there are some seriously dodgy actions, I think even Murali would take issue. It was an amazing place to walk around and through, I fielded a couple of balls and in self defence even took a catch, which was greeted with much hysteria and not a little annoyance by the batsman, as I said, they take it fairly seriously. You seriously can't believe how many people were there all over the place. Sunday is also fairly quiet on the streets so they set up matches in the middle of the roads in the business district. The cars just kind of toot and then go around, because everyone has respect for cricket.